Without going into details let me just say that some huge life changing decisions are being held right before me right now. In my soul- I feel broken. I literally feel like I have lost a piece of me by losing a piece of my husband. I almost feel like there is not enough of my heart left to be broken. So my entire body aches and longs for a man who used to be. He is not so far away that I can't see him. He's just more of a person whose holding on by a few strands and is deciding to let go. I know he knows it's wrong. I know it hurts him to let go, but he doesn't know how to hold back on. He is so lost. And I am devestated at what is happening to him. To see him hurt; to see him cry and binge is just too much. This morning I thought I might leave. And by tonight, God somehow intervened. I am forcing myself to feel peace- or to at least imagine it. Because I know I deserve that. I deserve to feel happy. I shouldn't feel guilty for things I have not done. And I am giving this one last shot. My heart- the actual organ in my body is hurting me tonight because I know this is it. One final attempt and then I will have no other choice but to call it quits. I pray with my whole heart that you fix my husband. He is begging to be fixed but is way too caught up in an addiction. Please Lord. WE need your help on this one because we can't go on like this anymore. I need to see the light shine in his eyes again- he's trapped in the body of an alcoholic.
6 comments:
You've got my thoughts and prayers babe, and you have my number anytime you need to use it. Love you babes.
Girl I wish I could just hop on the next plane and come give you the biggest hug and a friendly face for you to talk to! You and Ben are in my prayers, and you know you can call me anytime...even if you just need someone to listen to you cry...I'm here for ya!!
Thank you Jenn. I'm so sorry I haven't kept in touch with you very well. Just a busy life right now, you know? Things are getting better though. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. XOXO
No worries, I understand! I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you ever need me!
There aren't any words I can say to make this any easier. I wish I could take all of the pain of this away from you, if even for one day. I wish you hope, strength, and peace in this situation. Please call me if you need anything. Your familiy is in my prayers, B.
My heart broke for you when I read this. It's a month later and I'm hoping that means things are much better and on the road to recovery. Many hugs and much love to you babe! You are a strong woman and you both are on the right road.
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