Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Loving my son

Last night I felt something that I haven't really felt in a long time. (And no I am not referring to the God awful pain of my wisdom tooth.)
I looked at my son Dane, and I felt a really overwhelming feeling. It's hard to explain. We were having a conversation about taking a bath and for a split second, I felt like I was watching the two of us from an outside perspective. I told Dane I loved him. He told me he loved me "soooo much."
And I sat there watching; contemplating the love that the two of us actually felt for each other. My heart felt lighter and I smiled. It was completely overwhelming. It was beautiful.
I thought about that feeling for a long time. Long enough to actually be writing about it today. And I realized that so often, love is just a word. We say it. And we live it. But I think sometimes we forget to truly feel it. As functioning people, we simply live in our day to day lives. We do what we have to do to get by. And in that routine, the depth of emotion can go astray.
Dane and I get ready in the morning. I put out fires of two year old distress. I take him to school. I work. He plays. I pick him up. We eat dinner. More fires are put out. He takes a bath. We say our prayers and give kisses. He goes to bed.
Life becomes routine. It's just how it works. It makes life flow. But in that routine, sometimes you forget to take a step back and see what actually is going on.
For whatever reason, I was able to do that last night. And I am very grateful for that.