Friday, January 9, 2009

I am fulfilled

To be me; in a nutshell it has been hard. A hard few years. Stones with sharp edges. Tears filled into flasks. And yet, this life that I have, this life that I have created has fulfilled me.
The friends that I have... they have been my rock. They have listened to me. Taken me by the hand and given me the hope that I have needed to rise above the heartache. Ease the pain. For that, I hold a debt. A debt to continually give back, give advice, give friendship. I have learned not to allow the deep melancholy that sometimes consumes me to be given back to the world. Instead, I must focus on the positive. Be an ambassador to CHOOSE to find the wonderful things in life and share them with the world.
My situation with my husband has brought me to an understanding. Life is not easy. Simply, marriage takes work. My therapist asked me if I was going to divorce my husband. And in that session, I was floored. I couldn't believe that the person who I shared my inner most personal battles with was suggesting that I give up. Brittney does not give up. I have fought through so many personal issues for far too long to even allow that thought to come into my mind. My response to my therapist was "absolutely not." She shook her head as those of the doctorate often do. And I left, knowing, truly knowing that I was the one with a a better understanding of life. There have been so many times when people, friends, family could have given up on me. And yet they stuck beside me. They pushed me so that I could rise above. And I did. I always did. It is the love that God gives me. The gorgeous power of forgiveness, and strength.
I left that day knowing that I have the power to make the changes in my life that were necessary. I opened up to my husband, to my child, to MYSELF.
The end result? True happiness. I am overwhelmed now. With the love for my life. The spark has been lit. My relationship is once again exciting. The communication has become a staple in our lives. I... for the first time in a long time, am fulfilled.

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