Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I can breathe
Oh, what a glorious feeling. I feel good. It's been a little while since I've been on my A game, but I am getting close. Things (for those of you who know my situation) were a little bad there for a while. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know the road ahead is going to be long and hard. But I am going to do everything in my power to keep me and my family happy, healthy and in the best spirits possible. I've just got this one life, and I'm going to make the best of it.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
One broken bottle and one broken man
Ben: God, I love this cd.
"One broken bottle. And one broken man drenched in a bourbon perfume."
Me: Yeah, he speaks the truth. It's kind of a sad cd though, don't you think? He's a great artist. But this entire cd is about drinking. He must have lived a sad life."
Ben: Yeah, this cd is like my life story.
"Well I fell off track somewhere along the way .Chained all my dreams to a mirror and a razor blade. Momma said I guess its just a part of growing up. And I’ve spent my last five years trying to straighten up"
Ben: So what do you want to do tonight?
Me: I don't know. Let's go bowling.
Ben: Nah, I don't want to go bowling.
Me: Why not? It'll be fun.
Ben: Maybe tomorrow. Hey, I need to swing by the store.
Me: What store?
Ben: The liquor store.
Silence. Anger. Frustration. Insecurities. Blame. Guilt. Anger. Frustration. Insecurities. Blame. Guilt. Anger. Silence.
"Its a sticky situation that i've gotten myself into. Same old obligation has got me torn between this ole bottle and you. And i'll probably choose the drinking so you're probably gonna pack your bags. Spend a few lonely hours thinking before you.. before you come running back. Beggin me to be just a little stronger. To stay sober longer. Not to let you down. Must these demons haunt me and lay their wicked burdens on me? Lord wont you show me how to put the bottle down?"
Dane: Where's my Daddy?
Me: He had to run in the store for a minute.
Dane: To get beer?
Me: No hunny. He just needed to get a drink.
Dane: Oh, okay momma.
"Another bourbon vacation has got me crawling on the floor. And i'm in no condition to say a word when she comes walking through the door. The color starts fading when I hear her crying up and down the hall. As iIdrift away i can feel her praying saying lord will you show him heaven after all the hell he's been through?
Can I be a little stronger and not make her wonder when im going to let her down? Must these demons haunt me and lay their wicked burdens on me and lord wont you show me how to put the bottle down? "
Ben walks back to the car.
Ben: Okay, I'm ready. Let's go home. I'm ready for a drink! Seriously, this is a great cd.
Me: Yeah.
"One broken bottle. And one broken man drenched in a bourbon perfume."
Me: Yeah, he speaks the truth. It's kind of a sad cd though, don't you think? He's a great artist. But this entire cd is about drinking. He must have lived a sad life."
Ben: Yeah, this cd is like my life story.
"Well I fell off track somewhere along the way .Chained all my dreams to a mirror and a razor blade. Momma said I guess its just a part of growing up. And I’ve spent my last five years trying to straighten up"
Ben: So what do you want to do tonight?
Me: I don't know. Let's go bowling.
Ben: Nah, I don't want to go bowling.
Me: Why not? It'll be fun.
Ben: Maybe tomorrow. Hey, I need to swing by the store.
Me: What store?
Ben: The liquor store.
Silence. Anger. Frustration. Insecurities. Blame. Guilt. Anger. Frustration. Insecurities. Blame. Guilt. Anger. Silence.
"Its a sticky situation that i've gotten myself into. Same old obligation has got me torn between this ole bottle and you. And i'll probably choose the drinking so you're probably gonna pack your bags. Spend a few lonely hours thinking before you.. before you come running back. Beggin me to be just a little stronger. To stay sober longer. Not to let you down. Must these demons haunt me and lay their wicked burdens on me? Lord wont you show me how to put the bottle down?"
Dane: Where's my Daddy?
Me: He had to run in the store for a minute.
Dane: To get beer?
Me: No hunny. He just needed to get a drink.
Dane: Oh, okay momma.
"Another bourbon vacation has got me crawling on the floor. And i'm in no condition to say a word when she comes walking through the door. The color starts fading when I hear her crying up and down the hall. As iIdrift away i can feel her praying saying lord will you show him heaven after all the hell he's been through?
Can I be a little stronger and not make her wonder when im going to let her down? Must these demons haunt me and lay their wicked burdens on me and lord wont you show me how to put the bottle down? "
Ben walks back to the car.
Ben: Okay, I'm ready. Let's go home. I'm ready for a drink! Seriously, this is a great cd.
Me: Yeah.
Monday, July 7, 2008
I'm feeling weak because there is only so much I can control.
Last night I dreamed that the world was coming to an end
The holy rapture had already came and went
Left behind through hard times in bad lands where I belong
I thought about my loved ones and all of the things that I’d done wrong
There was no denying
I would be beaten by the chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
Feels like I slip further from you every single day
It’s getting harder to call your name when I bow my head to pray
And it’s nobody’s fault by mine
Nobody’s but my own
All the doubts in my head leave no will to carry on
And they’re multiplying
Every link in the chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
And as the watch me fall
The angels cry
because they understand my pain
and they’ve seen the blood spilled in the battles of my life
I’m in a leap of faith, racing through the sky
I’m like the tears that fall from angels’ eyes
Holy majesty come and save me from my sins
Polish up this rusty shell that I’ve been livin in
This life is a steppin stone
But I’ve fallen through the cracks
And I’m calling on you now to come and
Come and bring me back
Can’t you hear me crying?
Help me break this chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
And as the watch me fall
The angels cry
Cause they understand my pain
And they’ve seen the blood spilled in the battles of my life
I’m in a leap of faith, racing through the sky
I’m like the rain that falls from angels’ eyes
The holy rapture had already came and went
Left behind through hard times in bad lands where I belong
I thought about my loved ones and all of the things that I’d done wrong
There was no denying
I would be beaten by the chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
Feels like I slip further from you every single day
It’s getting harder to call your name when I bow my head to pray
And it’s nobody’s fault by mine
Nobody’s but my own
All the doubts in my head leave no will to carry on
And they’re multiplying
Every link in the chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
And as the watch me fall
The angels cry
because they understand my pain
and they’ve seen the blood spilled in the battles of my life
I’m in a leap of faith, racing through the sky
I’m like the tears that fall from angels’ eyes
Holy majesty come and save me from my sins
Polish up this rusty shell that I’ve been livin in
This life is a steppin stone
But I’ve fallen through the cracks
And I’m calling on you now to come and
Come and bring me back
Can’t you hear me crying?
Help me break this chain of consequences
I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain
And as the watch me fall
The angels cry
Cause they understand my pain
And they’ve seen the blood spilled in the battles of my life
I’m in a leap of faith, racing through the sky
I’m like the rain that falls from angels’ eyes
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