As I prayed to God last night and asked for the many things I tend to ask Him for, I found myself asking him to help the world to be ridden of bad. And I veered from my prayers for a moment and I thought about that long and hard. I can only imagine what this world would be if everyone cared and loved. I can only imagine how much more beautiful this place would be if hate and anger and jealousy were not a part of it. Probably the way He actually pictured it to be.
Anyway, I kept thinking about some recent things that have happened in my life and I think that I came to a realization. The fact is, that I have a big heart when it comes to others. I tend to see the world in a little different light than most people. And I also portray someone who is very strong. I am calloused on the outside to protect the delicate feelings on the inside. Often times, I think it is hard for people to see how emotional I am. I do what I can to joke and to make light of most situations. But I do still struggle with my own demons. I am sure we all do at some point in our lives. I find myself lacking a love for myself, and yet I have this burning desire to give it to everyone else. I'm not quite sure where the imbalance comes into place. But it is who I am.
I also realized that I cannot expect the same out of others. Sure, in my perfect world, everyone would constantly strive to think about things before they take action. Everyone would love art and have an appreciation for good poetry. Everyone would go out of their way to help others. Everyone would know exactly why I feel the way I feel and have a desire to share that feeling with the rest of the world. But I've got to be real here. I just want there to be good in the world. I want to be a part of that good. I am hurt when people bring me down because that somehow takes me down from that place of sunshine and rainbows that I always want to be. But I cannot blame anyone for that. People are simply different. It's what gives this world character. And so for now, I think I just need to learn to take a step back and know that we all have some sort of desire in our lives-and because none of them are the same, I can't expect for reactions to be the same. I've always said that people should be kind 100% of the time- even to folks who are hard to tolerate. You never know what someone else is going through. I'm not talking walking on eggshells here. But I'm saying it's best to just smile and move on- even when confronted with a scowl.
I think most people shun the whole sunshine and rainbows way of things because maybe they aren't able to do it. But I can. And I'm proud of that. Even if the rest of the world is not with me, I'm okay with being where I'm at. It helps me to feel happy. I hope the rest of the world does whatever it is that makes them happy. Because once we all can figure that out- this world will TRULY be a beautiful place.